There are still more than five hours left in 2004 and I’m already getting a bit misty-eyed about the year gone bye. How can I not be, given everything that has happened in this past year? But, it wasn’t until I finally took the time to reflect just a few minutes ago that I realized just how immense this year was.

It’s probably fitting that I waited until the final hours of the year to truly take stock in the previous 365 days because reflecting is something I did not do nearly enough of this year. One of my biggest beliefs has been to always take the time to stop and press pause to take in all that is happening around you. While I can blame only myself for not adhering to this personal credo, the rational side of me knows it is because of the whirlwind of chaos that was 2004.

There was always something that felt just not quite right about this year, like I was never quite comfortable with things. This translated to all facets of my life. Some of it was about things feeling off but most of it was dealing with the new and unknown. And yet more was coming to grips with familiar things that were going away forever. I dealt with a lot of change this year, more so than any other year in my life…and that includes a year where I bought my first house and got married. Let’s start with a familiar topic; work.

My gig at Northeastern was less than two months old when the 2004 began and I certainly couldn’t have anticipated how much of a drain it would be on me throughout the year. The main reason behind this was the amount of crisis communication I was involved in starting with the riots in the wake of the Super Bowl which touched-off a cascade of events from students deaths, to missing students to community issues and finally culminating in the riots around the Red Sox this post-season (we’ll get to that in a moment). Toss in some instability in my department which led to a horrible new boss coming onboard in September and there is one main reason I’ve been such a mental case this year.

But, I’m moving on. The final straw was my new boss not giving me the respect to consider me for a promotion that should rightfully be mine. Hopefully, the last laugh will be mine as I have received a job offer this afternoon. The prospect of being able to start 2005 with a big middle finger to my current boss is extremely appealing to say the least.

Speaking of appealing, the Boston Red Sox finally snapped an 86-year World Series drought in dramatic fashion this season. It was one of the greatest playoff runs in history and part of me still can’t believe they are the world champs. It was a great capper to a sports year that began with the Patriots wining their second Super Bowl title in three years. The only donwer has been the strike that has crippled the hockey season. But, that is what the rink in my backyard is for…if Mother Nature would ever corporate.

On the music front, I also lost a huge chunk of my past this year when Phish decided to call it quits for good. I can’t say I was surprised by the move nor that I was too broken-up about it, but it was seminal event none-the-less. The break-up was made easier by the fact I succeeded in my effort to move forward with my life during the hiatus that began in 2000. It also helped that music post-hiatus was sub-par at best. What was ironic that the announcement came just after I made my peace with band during the mini Vegas run in April, but the end made sense. Plus, it allowed me to play out the string in a fashion I wanted including a nice trip out to Alpine Valley in Wisconsin and the perfecting ending for me with a two-night Great Woods stand. In the end, I was glad they came back as it allowed me to officially say my farewell.

Of course, the biggest event of this year was the birth of my son, Nathan. Even typing that still seems every weird. My year was dominated by all things baby and this was the single biggest catalyst for why things rushed by this year. He as born three weeks ago and while we are still getting to know each other, the reality that I am father is becoming more and more concrete with each passing second. He truly is a blessing.

So, that’s my year in a not shell. In many ways, I am sure I will look to this year as one of the greatest in my life when I’m able to put some perspective around it and able to forget much of the stress I was under. For now, I am just looking forward to a fresh start in 2005 as we start to truly become a family and I get a fresh start with a new employer. I’ll save my resolution for another time. For now, I’m off to enjoy a very quiet night with my family.

I’m a Dad; have been for about 11 days now. As usual, a sometimes life just has a way of happening, but unlike past instances when I’ve lamented about not having the time to stop and press pause, this has been great. At least, I think it’s been great, the sleep deprivation makes it a bit tough to tell.

Nathan Michael was born via c-section at 1:52 a.m. on December 12 and I still don’t think I’ve completely processed the events leading up to his entering this world. Tracy began having contraction on Friday night, Dec. 10 which progressed from 20- minutes apart to seven minutes apart by 6 a.m. Saturday morning. Soon we hit the magical five minute interval mark and we were on our way to the hospital.

Arriving there at 1:30 in the afternoon of the 11th, things looked good and she was cursing along or so we thought. After about seven hours of watching my wife labor through one intense contraction after another, we found out she had only progressed an additional centimeter since we arrived. I was settling in for a long night. They checked her again at 10 and she had progressed little. Even then, when the doctor alluded to a potential c-section, I still failed to grasp the possibility.

All hell broke loose around 1:30 on the morning of the 12th. Nathan’s heart rate was dropping and the decision was made for a c-section. Within 10 minutes we were in the operating room. I was scared shitless but trying my best to keep it together. Everything went well and we were back in the recovery room by three that morning, in shock, but extremely relieved.

We came home a week ago today and the adjustment to baby boot camp has been truly something that couldn’t be imagined. Time no longer has any relevance and my frustration hit an all-time high yesterday. Troubled by Nate screams, I began doubting if I could even do it...saying as much out loud and finding myself instantly chasing those words as soon as they exited my big mouth. It was at that point I realized I had not done enough research…so I sat my ass down on the couch and proceeded to blow through a 250-page book on calming your child in about three hours. I think it was the quickest I’ve ever read a book. And I feel like a much better father for it…today anyway.

So, Christmas Eve is tomorrow and hopefully, I’ll finally be able to rest my brain until at least next Monday. More importantly, I need to stop worrying about everything else other than my family. I still can’t believe I have a son.