There is a lot of crap happening at work, the byproduct of any transitionary time when you're faced with a new boss. But in this case, it's two new bosses and one immediate one leaving. So, its time fo great uncertainty and a mess of potential growth. Problem is, its rubbing a lot of fellow co-workers, myself included, the wrong way. There is afear of moving to, too corporate of a model. And while something I've pushed for since arriving there nearly a year ago, Ive been able to see how I've adapted to the academic culture. Still, things do need to change and if ever there was an opportunity to truly "managed up," this is it. Thing is, I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with all the extra shit that comes with such a transitionary period. I've been trying to take on more of a leadership role knowing, as I've told my fellow co-workers, that at the end fo a few months, we'll all know where we stand. For once, I'm trying to take the positive approach. Still, I've got a lot of other things going on in my life. I guess this is the stuff that keeps it interesting. Besides, I've always said I need to be challenged...time to find out if I'm just been fooling myself.

Tonight is one of those nights where I wonder if I traded in the wanderlust too early. But to figure that out, I suppose I need to pinpoint exactly when that happen. If I take it from when we moved into this house, then I am looking at 27 years and four months. If I look at it from I basically moved in with Tracy at around my 26th birthday, give or take a month or two. The ladder is probably the truth.

It’s tough to keep track of this stuff, especially for me, for has always kept a flawless timeline in my head of all-important events in my life. But lately, well, things re starting to run together a bit. Could it be that my sole quest throughout my early life was to find am soul mate? If so, mission accomplished and one question raised. What am I working for now?

There is definitely a part of me that wished he could roll back the clock five years. But the thing is, I’m not sure I want to go back there because it was so much fun or because I don’t feel I adequately took in enough of the memories to remember fully.

The bottom line is, I can only believe that I have arrived here today because of my past choices. And being in a damn good spot, ell, I guess I just have to assume that is what I will do for myself fin the coming future.

See, I would have been a drug-addicted mess if not for Tracy, I know this, I still would have been at 803, working, but partying too much. So I guess< I sort of retired at the top of my game. Just call me Barry Sanders.