Work, life, questions of inadequacy and worries that my dream are slipping away remain the constants in my life. Of course, writing, or lack there of, is the main focus. I'm train got get my mind back into the frame of writing, but it seems to be more difficult than it was. I'm guessing much of this is due to the significant halt this new job vexed on my last productive phase, thereby making it that much more difficult to plow through to productive again. Maybe I need to resign myself to doing some freewriting in the mornings, it seemed to help get my creativeness working while in the working environment before.

There is lots going on...life stuff, most of which I'm trying not to overtime as it leads to more confusion. I won't delve into it now, but its happening...trying that is. But the writing, I've got to get the cobwebs out.

Quite obviously, the frequency of my posts is at the lowest it's been since I truly started paying attention to this blog just over a year ago. The usual factors are involved; the two biggest being a new job and subsequent lack of time. But, my only resolution for the New Year were to quit dipping and get back to writing more. So far I'm batting .500.

It's funny how the more things change the more the stay the same. I'm at a new job, one that I thought would be perfect and, surprise, it's not. Granted, I still need to give it time, but I can't figure the place out. I even felt a twinge of paranoia setting in today which revolves around my feelings that people there look at me as this corporate guy who doesn't quite fit the mold. Maybe I"m trying to change to much. Afterall, I remember how I felt when people tried to change much of what I was used to...it doesn't go over well. I need to be cognizant of that.

The best I can do is maintain my own focus and work hard at what I need to do. I've been admittedly slacking on some things and I think it may be a product of my needing to be under the pressure of a deadline. It also may be that I'm not entirely challenged...well, not challenged by what I think our meaningful things. Instead, I'm challenged by trivial things like trying to get people to get back to me. I've got plans, I just need to motivate myself.

And, of course, I need to work more on my writing...something I think I will have time for now that me and the wife seemed to have righted our ship and are back thinking on the same page. I also need to get my butt moving on applying for Grad school.

I feel like there is more I should be doing at work, home and in general. Yet I can't seem to get up the initiative to see things all the way through and seem to have a myriad of unfinished projects just sitting out there. I should probably get to getting some of these finished. And in the perpetual case of the grass always being greener, I'm not exactly digging the new job right now. I think part of it is do to the rapid pace I've been working at since the start of the year which has felt a little too similar to the Millennium days. And the other part is, I still haven't been able to get a true pulse on the new place. Granted, I need to keep reminding myself that I have only been there for roughly four months, but I still feel like I"m not getting it. The crisis mode we were under also forced me away from more introductory stuff. Now, I'm trying to get back on track but feel spread all over with little rhyme or reason to how the department operates. I know I tend to over-think things and I also know it can lead to me being lazy. Obviously, this needs to be rectified.